I Feel Sorry For Anyone Who’s Ever Dated a Copywriter

I Feel Sorry For Anyone Who’s Ever Dated a Copywriter

I feel truly sorry for anyone who’s ever dated a copywriter.

If you’re reading this you probably know what I mean by “copywriter” and odds are you’re not one of those poor souls who think we’re the people who decide which words get graced with that coveted lowercase “c” that’s housed inside of a circle. You might be wondering why I would, as a copywriter myself, feel sorry for anyone who dates one of us. Sure, we’re creative and that can be attractive which is what I hear (and also what I tell people, sue me) but the nature of being creative is such that we’re hyper critical of ourselves which makes us even more critical of others. So, the big deal here is that we’re judging you, and we’re judging you HARD.

We all know that social media platforms and dating apps are ubiquitous (oooh look a fancy word) in 2018. We accept that these are the means by which we primarily communicate and present ourselves to friends and strangers alike. So even though we’re a #aesthetic and image focused generation, each picture we post on say, our dating profiles or Instagram feeds presents a new opportunity to express our unique point of view. Or, as a copywriter would see it, a unique opportunity for a person to likely embarrass themselves with words. Caption a picture with an emoji? Must be too dumb to think of a caption. Use an inspirational quote to accompany your post-gym “progress” picture (yes, we get it #progressnotperfection)? Fake deep. Slap a #workflow or “rise and grind” on any picture of you in your best business casual? Works at a temp agency but #entrepreneur is in your bio.

We copywriters deal in words. We think about them. We overthink about them. And we sometimes hide behind them, but that’s between me and my therapist.

We’re trained to reject obvious ideas, sayings, and common conventions and get to the interesting shit. So, we have absolutely no patience when it comes to people who are lazy or predictable in how they communicate.

And don’t even get me started on puns. We’re taught that puns are the absolute lowest form of humor. I’m talkin’ like in-the-sewer-with-Pennywise level low. Even if puns weren’t ranked in our copywriter brains this way they’d still be corny. And if there’s one thing that’s not exactly sexy, it’s a corny motherfucker.

So, I feel sorry for anyone who dates a copywriter because at a certain level you just can’t win. We’ll judge you for most things that you say and EVERYTHING you write. If you write something worse than us it’ll feed our egos; if you write something better than us we’ll secretly hate you and always be competing with you in our heads. Did I mention we’re fiercely competitive?

And sure, in a moment of passion we’ll pen you a love letter, probably about something we adore that you’ve never even realized about yourself, but does that make up for all the invisible day-to-day pressure you’re under just by virtue of knowing us? Maybe but also maybe not. I guess it comes down to your inherent levels of smartassery. Speaking from experience, if there’s one thing we copywriters love, it’s a person who can occasionally out clever or out snark us. I’ve been lucky enough to experience that once or twice. I will also say though, that I do not personally know any two copywriters engaged in a long-term, successful relationship, and that’s all I’ll say about that.

I write my girlfriend’s Instagram captions for her. Not because she can’t but because I genuinely believe MY line is the correct line which really makes me wonder if I’m actually in love with myself but we’ll get to that next week!

As one of my heroes, Crissle West says, “words mean things” So fucking act like it.

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